I heard this lady say "I love kids". That's nice. A little weird 'though. It's like saying "I like people for a little while. How old are you? 14? Fuck off". You can say I love kids as a general statement that's fine. It's when you get specific you get in to trouble. "I love 12 year olds...".

I was on the street I heard this guy wave to me. And he came up to me and he said "I'm sorry I thought you were someone else". I said "I am".

Every fight is a food fight when you're a cannibal.

Demetri Martin